Am I a very discontented person? Is it wrong to look for something that isn’t there? Am I settling?
It hurts when he isn’t sweet when I am expect him too. All this disappointments over failed expectations are just piling up and I can’t seem to start myself to start being rational and kinda just let all the emotions. I’m too much of an emotional person to just let it go and exist like a robot. All according to reason but never have feelings towards it. I think that is worse than being a crybaby. At least you feel something. Look forward to something that will make you happy.
I can now see our differences. Big differences. We are focused but his satisfactory is actually getting the prize. As for me, it is the journey going there and the feeling it will give me. I don’t know how this will fare in the long run.
I’m tired of asking. I’m tired of crying everytime I can’t express or communicate to him what I need from him. It will always be gapped by the thik line between emotion and reason.
I don’t know what’s gonna happen if I start dismissing my emotions. It wouldn’t be pleasant. Maybe it is time to step up and make him feel I have worth in his life. Not just someone.
He used to want me and now I want him more than he wants me. Maybe it did make him slack off or too comfortable. It pains me but I cannot just let myself be crying or hurt most of the time. I only have myself to help me here.
Let’s see what happens.
